Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and The Stylist
Trigger Warning: suicidal ideation
For those with Attention Hyperactive Deficit Disorder, RSD is a confusing and frustrating battle that occurs daily. There have been many occasions when a message left on read or a fake laugh has sent me into a spiral that left me depressed and dejected for lengthy periods. Dodson and Saline (2021) define Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria as:
“Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception that a person has been rejected or criticized by important people in their life. It may also be triggered by a sense of falling short—failing to meet their high standards or others’ expectations.”
The emotional turmoil that follows these incidents that are triggered by perceived rejection is often internalised. When I had no idea that I suffered often from RSD, I would spiral into suicidal ideation and emotional disregulation that would eventually externalise and impact my relationships; intimate and familial. There’s no denying that I would take it out on the ones I loved; I was lost and confused, and they bore the brunt of my frustration. When watching The Stylist (2020) I saw so much of my own internalised hatred and emotional sensitivity reflected at me through Najarra Townsend’s character, Claire.
Source: IMDB
Throughout The Stylist, Claire is portrayed as an outgoing and caring person who loves their work. This is common with people with ADHD. We are passionate and charismatic, but as seen with Claire, the emotional depth of neurodivergent people often causes us internal torment. Being sensitive is more than just not having thick enough skin. We are so attuned to the expectations of others that if we feel that we have let people down, the internalisation of that disappointment can be catastrophic to our mental health. Claire engages with her clients in ways that are typical of a hairstylist and a paying customer, except for her relationship with Brea Grant’s character, Olivia.
The film depicts Claire as an obsessive stalker that has no regard for the civil boundaries of social interaction and encounters. However, as someone who has dealt with RSD weekly since my early teenage years, I empathised with the emotional spectrum that I witnessed Claire experience. When faced with the prospect of rejection, Claire withdraws; she is quiet whilst ordering her coffee, showing signs of distress and disassociation. When Claire feels her friendships are flourishing, as shown with Olivia, she is bright, bubbly and engaging. Although, the signs of people-pleasing often associated with RSD shines through often and is laid on thick. Claire consistently strives anxiously to make sure that she is impressing those around her just by being in their presence.
Source: IMDB
Claire struggles socially when interacting with Olivia. I watched painfully as she said, making sure that she was appropriate and doing everything she thought would be expected. In this scene, Claire takes Olivia’s scarf and wears it, looking in the mirror and posing. This, to me, showed how much Claire wanted to be accepted by Olivia; to have a connection that meant something, working out how she could connect to a friend. Claire goes above and beyond in the hope of starting a bright friendship with Olivia, making sure she is always available and even doing her hair for her wedding after she had decided that she no longer styles weddings.
When watching The Stylist for the first time, I recognised the signs almost instantly. Claire spirals when she perceives that Olivia is ignoring her, often shown through her obsessive calling and texting to feel ignored or put aside. Clarie apologises prolifically for being strange or too over the top, situations that I have certainly been in myself⸺I don’t take a violent route for externalisation, though. Whilst Claire tends to lean into violence and murder, I tend to externalise through self-sabotage. In the past, when I felt like a partner was going to leave me (true or not) I would go out of my way to destroy my connection to them. Telling partners to never speak to me again, to forget that I exist⸺spending days afterwards in a spiral of guilt, shame, and needing reassurance that they forgive me. Claire does this so blatantly when she calls Olivia’s husband (after days of texting and calling Olivia to be ignored) wine for their rehearsal dinner. Claire is trying to reconnect and fill the void that RSD has created within her. She wants Olivia to take her back and in her over the top attempt to win her back, Claire has only pushed the relationship further out of her grasp.
Source: IMDB
Claire externalises her RSD through killing and scalping her victims. To me, this is her sabotaging her connection to them, rejecting them before they can sever ties with her themselves. Watching Claire scalp her victims and wear their hair shows me how driven she was to get into their heads and understand their feelings towards her. Sometimes those of us with ADHD will chronically overthink and over analyse the smallest interactions with people we just want to like who we are. I used to jump at the chance to get reassurance from those who I perceive as distancing themselves from me. Distance means rejection to me. However, I have slowly taken social interactions less personally. Now it’s only on the odd occasion that the shame cycle spins out of control. For me, Claire was a representation of the RSD I felt for so long, lingering around and making me feel ashamed to be myself. If only Claire had felt safe to be herself, too.
