[Review] Milk Teeth by Andrew Post
Milk Teeth
By Andrew Post
Snow-Capped Press
5/5 Stars
Book content warning (as pointed out by Post himself): Gruesome Violence, Coarse Language, Sexual Content/Innuendo/Deceit, Talk of supposed Incest, Bodily Fluids, Unnatural Pregnancy, “Talk that could be considered blasphemous and heretical,” “Mention of a racist man with violent inclinations to match.”
I read Milk Teeth all in one sitting. From the second my eyes landed on the first sentence, I was hooked and just couldn’t put it down, no matter how much I wanted to (trust me, there were several moments where I desperately wanted to). Post’s fast-paced narrative mixed with his array of strange and disturbing characters come together to create one of the weirdest pieces of fiction I have ever read in my entire life. I still don’t know what the heck it was that I read. All know is that I loved it from start to finish. This novella has everything, a creepy, decrepit house in the middle of nowhere, a dysfunctional family, southern accents, evil magic, pacts with the devil, body horror, and a femme fatale.
The best way I can think to describe the Breathlands is a hillbilly cult family of vampiric individuals. They remind me a lot of the Baker Family from Resident Evil 7: Biohazard, except the Breathlands somehow manage to be even weirder. Characters were developed well, having distinct personalities and voices, while still being similar enough (speaking with the same accent, if you’ll pardon my terrible pun) for the reader to believe they’re family. The lore Post created in Milk Teeth was one of my favorite elements of the story, and I would’ve loved to learn more about the demon Enganar and how he came in contact with the family. Truth be told, I’ve become so invested in the story that I would kill for a book series detailing all that the Breathlands did during the hundred-odd years that preceded the events depicted in Milk Teeth. Speaking of the events depicted in the story, Post is a master at writing absolutely disgusting scenes, and this novella is packed with them. Some were so intense that I could only skim over them. I don’t want to give any spoilers, but the birth scene was the grossest thing I’ve ever read since Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke (Eric LaRocca 2021).
If I had to point out something that I disliked, it would be that sometimes the plot moves way too quickly, which gave me a sense of whiplash several times, but I believe that was intentional on the author’s part. Besides that, my only complaint, which is more of a testament to how much I enjoyed this novella than anything else, is that I wish the author hadn’t done the three-year time skip in the middle of the story. Sephorina is one of the most intriguing characters I’ve come across. I crave to know every single thing that transpired with her and her family during that time and how her role and responsibilities morphed over that period. She’s the perfect example of a moral grey area. Even though she has been responsible for the death of several men, Sephorina loves her family deeply, and that’s the driving force behind all that she does.
This novella is for sure a wild ride, but one I believe that most horror lovers will enjoy, even if it makes you throw up a little afterward. I don’t know why you’re still reading this review. How could the phrase “hillbilly cult family of vampiric individuals” not have been enough for you to drop everything and go read Milk Teeth? The novella is a quick read due to its length and the fact that it’s impossible to put down. You’ll get through it in no time.
